


Are You High Enough (Yet?)

by NKMLN



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Good Intentions, He's doing his best and then everything gets a little fucked up, Mind Control, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, deceit dies, i guess?, ignored morals, villain!patton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 23:24:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17907689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKMLN/pseuds/NKMLN
Summary: Prompt: "Gosh I would be forever in your debt if you wrote Villain Patton. I've wanted to write for him for so long but never had the time. :)"





	Are You High Enough (Yet?)

**Author's Note:**

> This work is also on my tumblr at https://stella-scriptor.tumblr.com/

It hurts.

It hurts so much, every time he looks at them, knowing they’re unhappy and knowing he could fix it. He wants Roman to know how much he does for everyone, he wants Logan to know he’s heard, and Virgil, oh, he just wants Virgil to know how much he’s  _loved_. He wants them to be happy, so, so much.

(He’s the strongest. He could do it. He could.)

(He won’t.)

~|~

The first time Patton ever does it, he’s walking upstairs to go to bed. It’s been a long day- a good one, though. Peaceful. At least that’s what he thinks until he hears the muffled sobs from Roman’s room.

He knocks. No response. He enters.

Scraps of paper surround Roman on the floor in a kind of border, and Roman- oh, Roman- sits on his legs on the middle, crying quietly into his hands. “Kiddo?” Patton asks him gently.

Roman flinches and stands, wiping away the tears still tracking down his cheeks. “Patton, I- What is it?”

Patton steps forward and wraps Roman in his arms. “Kiddo, it’s okay,” he murmurs. Roman stands stock-still for a moment before leaning into the embrace, shaking slightly. Patton can feel the hurt pooling just under his skin, like some kind of dark stain, and he knows how easy it would be for him to stop it, to stop Roman from feeling like this, but he knows he can’t. He knows he shouldn’t. It’s wrong.

“I’m sorry,” Roman whispers. “I’m doing my best, I just- I can’t-”

It can’t be wrong, not if it stops Roman from hurting. Right? It- Patton worries his bottom lip between his teeth, and then he reaches himself out under Roman’s skin and just sort of…  _dissolves_  the stain, like it was never there in the first place.

Roman seizes up before pulling away and blinking at him. “Pat, what are you… What are you doing in here?”

Patton looks into his eyes, mouth just slightly open, nausea creeping up in his stomach. “I was just… helping you out with something. Don’t you… Don’t you remember, kiddo?”

Roman blinks. “Yeah, of… of course.” He looks back at his ring of papers. “I guess I’d better get back to it. Thanks, Pat.”

“Of course, kiddo,” Patton murmurs. “Anytime.” His mouth feels dry as he steps out, Roman’s eyes burning a hole through his heart. He closes the door quietly and pinches the pad of one of his pointer fingers between two of his other nails. It hurts, just a little. Not enough.

When he turns, he’s standing face to face with Deceit, his eyes narrowed, head cocked slightly to the side. Neither of them say anything, but Patton can feel his pulse pounding in his chest, a magnified, illusory heartbeat.

Deceit turns and walks away down the hallway. Patton’s not sure he’s ever going to breathe normally again.

~|~

Patton is never doing that again, Never, never, never again. He can’t do that to them. It’s wrong. He still feels queasy, remembering the way Roman’s eyes had barely taken him in, how he’d immediately agreed with Patton’s lie.

Patton lied. Patton  _lied_.

(But that feels like the worst thing he’s done tonight.)

~|~

He sticks to his word. He doesn’t do it again, not for weeks. Not until the day he hears Logan slam his bedroom door behind him, and he practically feels the stain pressing against the walls like some kind of virus. There’s so much. There’s just so much, and Logan shouldn’t have to feel it. He shouldn’t have to hold up so much of the storming sky on his own.

He can’t. He can’t- He shouldn’t-

It’s wrong. He knows this is wrong. He has to let people deal with their pain on their own, no matter how much it hurts to watch.

But shouldn’t he help? Didn’t it help the first time? Helping is right! Helping someone who’s upset is the right thing to do, isn’t it?

So he reaches out (careful, careful) and scatters the darkness on the other side of the wall. He hears Logan go quiet… Is he-?

Patton hears a keyboard start to click, and breathes a sigh of relief. 

(And if Logan can’t quite recall the argument he had with Roman at dinner, if Deceit looks at him funny from the living room doorway, then that’s a small price to pay, isn’t it?)

~|~

It gets easier after that, once Patton realizes he’s helping. It’s just a gentle touch here, a quick push there, and no one ever has to hurt again. It’s kinder this way. It’s better.

(So what if Virgil can’t sleep some nights? He didn’t sleep before. So what if Roman and Logan can’t always remember what they were talking about? They were probably arguing, anyway. He’s doing the right thing. He is doing the right thing.)

“You’re hurting them,” Deceit hisses in his ear one night. “You know you are, Morality. This is wrong.”

“You’re lying,” Patton whispers back without looking.

“I think you might be the liar, now.”

When Patton looks up to remind his mirror that he’s just another stain, and a weak one, at that, no one is there.

(So what if he doesn’t see Deceit again? Thomas still knows how to lie. It’s fine.)

(It’s fine.)

~|~

They don’t ever have to be unhappy again. None of his friends ever have to hurt. They’re going to be happy for the rest of their lives. Patton’s going to make sure of it.

So what if he won’t let them feel anything else?


End file.
